This is a diary made public. Written to myself, mostly to keep going in the bad times. And as a memory, just in case I ever lose mine. If you're stuck in your own loop, you might recognise yourself in it.
Not my words. Just the ones I try to follow.
The magic you are looking for
is in the work
you are avoiding.
— Dipen Parmar
This one is everywhere. I never tried it. So let's see where it gets me.
Not done. We'll see.
Not my words. Just the ones I try to follow.
If you are trying —
really trying —
and you're not hurting anyone,
you are f*cking phenomenal.
— Gary Vaynerchuk
This one I actually agree with. But feeling phenomenal? Haven't felt that in a long time.
Let's see if the trying takes me there.
Not my words. Just the ones I try to follow.
Before you win, everyone will ask you why you're working so hard.
After you win, the same people will tell you how lucky you are.
— Mark Manson
I can't call myself lucky. I remember the moment when I did. I ended up on the ground. The working hard part, that one I know.
Let's see which half of this quote I end up in.
This is definitely not a comeback. It can't be. Comeback to where?
This is a different chapter. A different path. Unknown waters I've never touched before, and for the first time I feel free in them. My decisions. My time. My call what gets built and when.
And I'm happy doing it. That one took a while to be able to say.
The mission stays the same. Break the circle.
Forgotten by most. Noticed by everyone.
A smile is one of the first things we ever learn. We are born with it. And yes, hard days exist. I have them too. But when we come out of them, there is a muscle waiting to be used. Forgot how it works? Good news. I actually have a manual for this.
The manual.
The Starting Phase
Don't wait to feel like smiling. That's not how this works. Just find the muscles — yes, those ones — and pull the corners of your mouth up. Not all the way. You're not auditioning for a toothpaste ad. Just enough. Your brain is watching and it will catch up. Eventually.
The Authenticity Check
Lips up, eyes dead — that's not a smile, that's a passport photo. Get the eyes involved. A little crinkle at the corners. That's the bit that makes it real. That's also the bit that tells your nervous system to stop being dramatic and relax for five seconds.
The Full Release
Breathe. Drop the jaw. Let the whole thing settle. Hold it for three seconds and notice what happens. Not magic — just your body remembering it's on your side. Do this enough times and it stops being a trick. It just becomes who you are.
Curious where this is heading? So am I. All I can do is let you know when something happens here. One email, nothing else.